The actual time of dying
The answers to these questions often change. Please review
them periodically. At end of life it is important that the
helpers know what the dying person wants. Some of these
questions may overlap questions on Advance Directives. You
never actually know when the time of death will come and what
the circumstances will be, but addressing these questions can
help clarify wishes to your friends, family and spiritual
helpers. Here are questions to ask:
Do you have any beliefs about what happens after you die?
What do you really think happens?
What is the most important thing your friends can do to support you?
What is the most important thing that your friends should try to keep in mind to best take care of your needs?
If there is any palliative medication to be given, and you are unable to take it yourself, please ask a volunteer ahead of time or ask the attending nurse who will give it, and name the person here:
If you are using the Death with Dignity Act (Legal in Vermont and some other states), you must self-administer medications. Certain medications require reading directions and mixing and some carefully timed dosing.
Who will help you or oversee this (or will anyone)?
If you have a choice, who would you like in the room with you when you die?
Is there anyone you do NOT want in the room with you when you die?
Please tell the gate-keeper (info on gate-keeper below).
If there are questions about your care as your death gets closer, and you cannot speak, who do you ask to make decisions?
If that person is absent, who is “second in command?”
During passing, are there any specific prayers you would like said?
During passing, do you have a limit on number of people in the room? (I have found that some folks just don’t want a big crowd).
During passing, are there any songs or chants you would like to be sung?
During passing, is there any recorded music you would like played?
During passing, there any live music you would like played?
Would you accept a choir singing to you?
During passing, are there any specific things you would like to be said to you?
During passing, do you want touch or massage of any sort?
Can you think of a signal to give in case you want the singing (or reading or talking or massaging etc.) to stop?Please review that signal with your death doula or main helper so those assisting you can know when to stop singing or touching or whatever they are doing.
Are there any specific environmental conditions you would like that you believe would help ease your transition during the time of death? (Examples could be candles, meditative silence, open window, darkened room, a photograph next to you, etc.)
Who is in charge of music: (the person in charge of music should provide technology if needed)
Who is the gatekeeper? The “gatekeeper” is usually stationed at the door, greeting people, and answers the phone. The gatekeeper may also keep people out of the area if you have requested a limited amount of guests.
Note: Extra copies of prayers, hymnals and ritual items should be provided to attendees as needed/ if needed. Please request someone to take on task of providing copies.
Do you have any other wishes for what specifically happens during your time of death?
--------- Re: Exit Interview Vermont – I am
speaking only for myself, not on behalf of any organization.
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